We all go through phases in life- we get a fair share of good times and difficult moments. I am at this stage going through one of those trying times when you feel helpless, almost. I lost a child to the world, see...she decided to trek a path without God- thinking it is best for her, for now. But she will find out soon enough that an idea of a life without Jesus Christ is not true living but is death- with no true happiness, no rest and anchor for the soul nor peace. It is hard for us to see her make that decision and for me personally- it really hurt me bad, my heart got really broken and it's almost as if I was mourning- tears just don't stop rolling down my cheeks and I realized I am, I am grieved to see a lost soul and that happen to be my own flesh and blood.
Lots of questions played in my head, questions which have no answers...I know in hindsight the questions will be answered but for now I cannot see any. As I lived my life as an example to my children, I instilled all the right values and advises, I shared all the life lessons and wisdom I have gleaned throughout my life and I had confidence in the way I brought them up. It was a moment of truth for me to realize that even that didn't hold water.
But I now understand that we all are our own person, one's experience cannot really define another, we all have a path to take and at the end of the day- the truth is our walk in life is very individual and it became even clearer why God deals with each of us individually. I respect that truth now and although it hurts- I decided to let her go. I have committed her to God and applied my faith, God's token on her, trusting God's promises and knowing that one day she'll come back, hopefully in Jesus' arms.
I never understood real parenthood until my children transitioned into adults, the pain, tears and heartaches that go hand in hand with the joy that they bring. Their pain is your pain, their loss is your loss and I found out that not all their joy is your joy, however ironic that may seem...it is true especially if they are in the wrong space.
I now see how God feels towards us His children...I now feel how it pains Him to see when His children take the wrong path or make wrong decisions knowing it will end in trouble or misery, I now understand how at times He is silent or when He lets us go to teach us a lesson. If there is anything I can take out of this trial is that- I now understand God's heart better. Parenthood is God's way of making us understand Him better for He is both our Father and our mother.I sort of feel that the Lord is allowing me to go through this for a purpose...maybe to know Him even more than what I do now so I could appreciate how He is. In the midst of all this hurt, because I still am hurting- I want to give glory and praise to Jesus for being my rock and my stay. He is the one holding me, grounding me and at this time- cradling me close to His bosom. The enemy can devise ample ways to hurt us and he will but God- who is our rock of refuge and defender always comes to the rescue, He never forsakes His own. Amen. He uses sorrow and pain to teach us life lessons.
And really if you ask me to sum things up- the true lesson in life is this: He is all that we need. Jesus Christ is the answer to all questions, He is the thirst- quencher, He is the true peace, He is Happiness, He is the song in our heart, He is our character, He is our redemption and our hope. But the condition is- to let down our guard and open our hearts to Jesus. Humility is the first step.
So, my dear friend- that is truth whether we believe it or not. We really have to humble ourselves before God...after all the simplest truth that He is our maker is a good enough reason is it not? to surrender our pride and all our own understanding, to begin to see things His way- because His way is the right way, is the first step towards a relationship with Jesus Christ. I hope the Lord opens our eyes to this truth.
As for my daughter whom I love with all that is in me- I have done the best thing any parent can do- to just commit her to God. I breathe a prayer up to the heavens for her and leave the matter in God's hands. I believe God keeps His word and His promises for I have experienced this reality over and over in my life.
None of us can boast over another in terms of being 'more christian' for God is our righteousness, without Him in our lives- we will slip into the world quite easily and without resistance. I just pray that the day of realization come soon- for my daughter and for the lost souls of the world, so they can meet the loveliest, the fairest and most beautiful being of all- our Lord Jesus Christ. May God keep and preserve us in this evil generation.