Posted on Tuesday, February 12, 2013 | By Kaye | In

I'm sitting on my favorite armchair tonight, a beautiful velvety soft, moss green vintage chair i found in our local pre-loved store & i adore it. I love the way it feels on my back, soft & strong at the same time. I still cannot believe that i bought it for $20, so, so cheap. anyway- let's pretend you are here with me in this room and we're having a casual chat shall we?

Sitting here alone now...everyone is asleep, the house has settled with a hushed calm, finally. Here i am, left with a head full of thoughts and questions, meaningful & meaningless ponderings, words, feelings... all jumbled up like a dream. Sigh. It is overwhelming to be human, do you find that sometimes? i can re-phrase that too and say it can be overwhelming to be an adult. I wish there are days when i am just a child...not that my life is terrible, i am in fact happy and grateful for what i have and what i am and where i am now, i know it is all in His plan but the daily battle also wears me down. It affects you too I know. Life can be hard that sometimes i wish the Lord will just come now to take us, i mean not death but the rapture...but that is avoiding the battle altogether so that wouldn't really be part of His will. Hmm.
There are still so many things i wanna do. Yep even at 38- i want to spend more time doing my hobbies, i want to spend more time with my family, i want to spend a lot of time with the Lord, alone with Him, in prayer & worship. Lately, i feel that all i do is work...but one cannot stop working either, ho-hum.
I want to be more like Jesus, but i get lows every now and again and i am trying to 'control' my highs as well...arrogance and self-righteousness are my pet peeves & that is the least i want to become (goosebumps). I know some people think they are not afraid of anything, i think i must have said that too- but i realized that it would be hypocritical of me to say that i don't fear anything, even as a christian- more so now that i am a christian, i do have a fear. My fear is to break His heart, to live a life without Christ. I cannot bear the thought of that and when times come that i fail Him, that seizes my heart. I love the Lord because He loved me first so very much. He has shown me what true love is with the way that He loved me- unconditional, faithful, patient & gentle. And this, this understanding of Him & His love is why i am trying my best to share it to the world, regardless of anyone's opinion. He is the important one, Christ is the message to this world. And the joy, the genuine rest to the soul & the satisfaction of getting to know that the answer to all our questions is in Jesus is incomparable to anything that is of the world. For He is not of the world.

If the people only knew that now, today- there is a fount of life in our midst, free to all. That the transformational power of Jesus is real & evident in believer's lives, that it isn't a myth, that the scripture is a living, breathing text, that the fulfillment of the Word is becoming reality, that the promised Bride is going to be there, here in this end time is all coming to pass- it is true! It does, it burdens my heart that i know of this person, i know of this Jesus- the resurrected Christ. I know Him but not everyone does and I know that not everyone would waive their rights & give Jesus their heart.  Even at the cost of their souls. It crushes my heart to  understand that. To know their destination and the pain, the bitterness and guilt that they would feel- of knowing the truth & not acting on it.

I am aware too, I can feel the disappointment the world over from the people, from the saints of God even- the exasperation of looking for the true manifestation of God, for the fruits of the spirit at work in their lives and the lives of their fellow brethren. But my dear fellow-warrior in Christ- just continue to look at Him. In this dark and evil age the only light is in Jesus Christ...and a portion of Him is in His children- therefore the Word would be fulfilled. We will shine in this dark world as long as we walk in His light but if we stray from the source of light so shall our light weaken also. He provided a prophet for this day, to show us where the Word is, where we are at, to open our eyes to the hidden scriptures. That is the food we have to partake of in this hour. Whether we believe it or not that is the truth.

 Let us look beyond the flesh and discern the Christ in each other that is important but equally important is to be really, truly honest to ourselves and to God if we need more of Him and to repent and align ourselves accordingly if we are not. God's principles are always balanced, we cannot weigh one thing heavier than the other because He is just. Otherwise we make mockery of Him see because He knows everything, we cannot deceive Him- He knows our heart.
However do not be disappointed in yourself too, continue to trust in Him and if you truly love the Lord then you would naturally obey Him. Nobody needs to feel that they need to push you to change or correct you if the Holy Ghost is in you- He will lead you into all truth, listen to your inner teacher. Be still, take the time to stay still and listen to what He has to say. Your own heart knows its faults, your own sins will condemn you so make an about turn and retreat from the wrong path. If that still, small voice says there is something wrong with our attitude, behaviours, view points then stop right there and pray for wisdom. Pray for Him to help you change.

Friend, let us do what God says- let us bear and forbear one another, let us love each other in truth and in Christ. It is time for that seed to grow and bloom into a Son or Daughter of the King- our Lord Jesus Christ. That is no contest. God bless you and may we all be strengthened in Him each day as we draw closer to our body-change. Amen.


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