Reflections

Posted on Monday, August 24, 2009 | By Kaye | In heartsearching , hope

The past few weeks I was doing some heart searching... I was ruminating about my walk with the Lord. I was asking myself and God- why I often seem to have moments of weakness. My faith gets weak and doubts sometimes try to settle in permanently in my heart, is there something wrong with me? I asked. I was feeling a bit down because everytime I look at myself, all I see are my mistakes. I have come to detest these weaknesses because they hinder me from being a strong warrior for Christ. After all, isn't that what we're supposed to be? to be strong, to always be able to resist the carnal? I have so many questions in my head. I really have a burning desire to change and to grow in the Lord andnot stay stagnant. I get frustrated when I stumble and falter. The patience that the Lord slowly built in me all these years are beginning to crumble...or so it seemed to me.

...but the Lord who is good and truly rich in mercy and understanding, gently reminded me. He made me realize that He does not really look at our weaknesses, He looks at us with eternal eyes. He looks at us and all He see is a finished product, blood stained and redeemed, spotless even. A perfect reflection of who He is- despite what we think, what I think...despite my current imperfections. Sometimes we find that hard to accept because we are constantly reminded of our errors. Nevertheless, that grain of truth remains, it doesn't matter what we think, it's what God thinks that is important.

I begin to grasp the truth that true christians are not supposed to be strong all the time, that we needed breaking sometimes, after all if we remain constantly strong we won't be needing God anymore. He won't be able to chip off our roughened edges, we'll get too hard and too stubborn. I also realize that the road to eternity is not a direct route, but is full of detours. It isn't one stretch of road but it has valleys, mountains, rivers and deserts... and they are not there either to set us up to fail or to make things difficult for us. The Lord chose our individual paths and they are designed to bring out our true nature. For christians, it brings out godly character.

I now know that I need to embrace and appreciate my weak moments (not weaknesses) because I know that my potter is working His way in my life and that in weakness He is my strength. ...for only when the clay has been brocken, is it soft and yielding; only then can He mould us, and shape us, amen. Word upon word and line upon line. These truths I really need to tuck away in my heart, I thought.

It reminded me of Gideon, and how the angel of the Lord called him a 'man of mighty valour' despite the fact that he was hiding from his enemies. I have to embrace the truth that how we see ourselves is not how God sees us.

The true and whole meaning of the power of 'will' and laying it all down for Christ started to dawn on me as well. That the only true reason behind surrendering our 'self will' is true love for Him. Anything less than a genuine love for the Lord can only produce works and perhaps unintentional self-righteousness- even if one is sincere.

I know that seems a bit mind boggling and others might find that hard to swallow, but sincerity is different than surrender. It's a good place to begin with, it perhaps is the first step towards a walk with Christ, don't get me wrong but the mark of a genuine believer I guess apart from sincerity and believing is surrendering. A surrendered life will obey, see, perhaps not everything overnight but in time it will.

At this point I realized that there are still some things that needed surrendering...and I'm glad the Lord has opened my eyes to these things otherwise it will just go over my head, I wouldn't even notice or know that what I am doing is wrong. I truly need His grace and mercy in my life, without Him I am lost. That is why I am grateful and I do get emotional when I testify at church or when I talk about Jesus with other people- I know the value of His presence in my life. I know that not everybody gets the privelege and honour of knowing Christ, I am humbled to know that before the foundations of the world were even laid, I was in His mind.

I remember what Bro. Branham said- that when all things have come to an end here on earth and the Bride and the righteous are already in heaven, each and every single soul will say that it is not by our strength nor by our own deed that we made it here- but only because of His grace, love and mercy. That alone should erase all my self-doubt, after all it is the truth- I am saved by grace and grace alone.

Praise the Lord.