"...weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning..." Psalm 30:5
Sometimes when I pray, I could hardly finish...sitting in the presence of the Lord is awesome, it's indescribable. There are times when I don't say a lot, I just hum a song, praise and worship my King. I can't get enough of worship, I guess that's the same with fellow christians. He is always in our hearts and even the busyness of life can't drown Him out. It's hard to find the words to explain how I feel, I am just grateful that in this lifetime, I have met my Creator.
In the past, I have tried to run away from Him, and tried to forsake the Bible and my faith and to try to belong, to be acceptable to the world...I guess I did for years and years, but I have always felt empty inside. I felt alone and fearful, my marriage was rocky at the time, I was caring for my son by myself, raising three other children with barely no money, I was so hopeless and I was always depressed. I drunk my problems away, backslid, I tried to please men- I thought I don't deserve God. He is too good for me- that was my reasoning but I was quite miserable. I felt that life let me down, although never did I blame God for my misery. Deep down in my heart, I knew that there is a purpose for everything. In fact, in retrospect I've always known that somehow it won't always be like this.
So, despite my complacent attitude and backsliding- the Lord was always there. I can always feel Him- in my dreams, through a friend, a stranger's kindness...He was just there waiting. Still, I was adamant to do what I want, to follow my own will, to be the captain of my own ship, so to speak but even after all my foolishness, at the end of the day I wasn't happy. I was brocken, I was always lonely, and I realized that I was just tired of trying to be who I am not. This isn't the real me!
My full speeding train finally came to a halt-I came to a realization, that I don't need man's approval, that my ways will ony lead to self-destruction, and that there is only One hope in this life. The thing is, God was always there all along, even through the roughest patches of my life He was there. He did not forsake me.
Now, I have become someone who can trust the Lord with everything and I say that with confidence. Sorrow and suffering, indeed, has taught me to cling to Jesus. He became everything to me and He turned my sorrow into gladness. God answered all my prayers and even if the answer is 'no' I have learnt to accept them with grace.
Now, I know that the scripture which says that "I am a new creature in Christ" has become real to me. I am far from perfect, neither do claim to be error- free, far from it BUT there is one thing I know and am confident of- that when my time on earth is over and my last journey is well spent- I know that I will see my Maker. I know that He will meet me on the other side and when that time comes, I will give Him a big embrace and say 'Thank you, Jesus...thank you for saving me, for dying at Calvary to redeem my soul. Thank you for not giving up on me...'
All the world can offer are temporary distractions and that is the truth. At the end of the day when you are just by yourself, you'll still feel that something is lacking...there is one, big hollow space in your heart, despite money, friends and loved ones. I know that feeling, friend.
There is no genuine love, peace, rest and happiness outside of Christ Jesus but you have to know it yourself, you have to find out for yourself otherwise it's all meaningless. I can harp on about this from day to day, but it won't mean anything to you, they remain as another man's experience. All I am hoping to do is to share my life with you, to testify that God is real and not just a theory, myth or a doctrine...simply because it is truth.
I hope, if not today...one day soon you'll give Jesus a chance, to open your heart to Him. To set aside man made lenses such as logic, science, and religion but to just look at God by faith. For it is only through childlike faith, one can truly see Him.
I'm not saying this to benefit me. I could care less if I want to, I'm afraid, but I cannot sit here, enjoying God' fulfillment of His promises in my life and not say anything about it to anyone. We have to shine the path so others can see and follow.
This is my personal testimony-God is the center of my life, I have found my peace, my dwelling place and my soul's refuge. And nothing or no one can ever persuade me to think otherwise, because I have experienced Christ myself. I know that God is real and everything that is in the Bible is real.
Take your chance on Christ, He won't fail you, ever.
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